Fall Back, Spring Forward

A few years ago, the mysterious powers that be decided that the Daylight Savings period of the year should be longer. This sun worshipping California native with a thing for mood enhancing vitamin D was thrilled. I don’t much follow the science of it, but I know once a year we fall back and once a year we spring forward.

How apropos that tomorrow we spring forward, when this past week I felt like I fell back. I fell back into a few old habits, I fell back into pizza, mozzarella sticks, hot fudge topping, bread, and Malibu & pineapple juice.

Here’s the thing that will prompt your “ain’t nobody got time for that reflex,” last week I lost 1.4 pounds. On the program I’m on (weight watchers) it’s recommended that we lose between .5-2 pounds a week, so I’m at the higher end. Great! Also WW, being an accountability program, not necessarily a food restricted diet allows me to spend my daily & weekly points pretty much however I choose (the program operates on a point system blah blah blah). I did not end the week in the red. I still had a handful of spare points. But it felt like a close call. I felt like I failed.

All week I felt like I was fighting against myself. Temptation felt ever present and more than once I fell. The weight loss is good…who am I kidding, it’s frickin GREAT! And yeah I did it in a week when I had froyo, booze, fried cheese, and my arch nemesis pizza. That would have made a past version of me so happy, “I can still eat the foods I love…” But I don’t wanna love those foods anymore, I don’t wanna play Russian roulette with the shit that got me to this size in the first place. I just felt like I was somehow beating the system. Like I was cheating and if I didn’t reign it in I would spiral out of control.

I know people say everything in moderation, but for some of us that isn’t true. Some of us have to give up certain things, say goodbye to a vice maybe even a friend. So on my excel spreadsheet last week was a success, but emotionally I fell. It was scary, I was scared, standing in the quick sand of “if I order that second slice…”

I’m tired of feeling out of control or at the mercy of food. So that was my one fall back for the year (positive thinking people). Here’s to springing forward this week.

Thanks for reading

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Fall Back, Spring Forward

  1. Pippa LaRue (@pippalarue)

    There have been a few articles I have read that say it’s not only OK for your body to have the garbage occasionally, it is necessary. So that it doesn’t get used to being a fine-tuned machine and fall apart when you have to put in the bad stuff. Maybe your body still loses weight when you put the garbage in because now it recognizes it as garbage. Who knows. Anyway, I like your long-term thinking about having to re-learn your relationships to some food. But I would wish that you never thought you were a failure, as long as you were staying aware, which you are. Make sure when you’re re-learning your relationship to food that you’re also re-learning your relationship to your self. No judgments. Only care and respect. I admire the hell out of you.

    Reply
    1. OnMyLastDiet Post author

      Everything you say is true. The hardest part of the whole thing is re-learning, rethinking, and revising my relationship with myself. That is the heart of the whole story after all isn’t it? Thanks Pip! I am thankful for your friendship and encouragement.

      Reply
  2. NicJu

    First of all a 1.5 week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woot to the woot. I remember saying recently the thing I didn’t like about being on WW is I felt like I was always thinking about food. But I flipped it and used to think of my points as a game. It was the only way I could manage the fact that I had to count everything that I put in my mouth. That was when I realized I was different. That no matter what, I was always going to be one of those people who had to watch what I ate. Kudos to you for breaking bad habits. Whenever i’m eating clean these days I try to give myself a cheat day, if i’ve earned. The new goal is not to let my cheat day turn into a cheat week and my rest days from working out not turn into rest months (like february and most of March.) You’re the bomb and a half. I stay inspired by you in many ways. Keep it up, you got this! There is nothing you cannot do once you think you can.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s