First a quick confession, I haven’t written in a while because I plain and simply did not reach the one year goal of a hundred pound weight loss I set for myself. So 12/13/13 marked my one year anniversary on Weight Watchers, and while I didn’t lose the 100lbs there are some things I did accomplish. 365 days of writing down everything I ate. 52 weekly weigh ins. And 62.2 lost. Now, as I’ve pondered the shame of not reaching that goal, I’ve thought a lot on darkness mostly figuratively but also literal darkness.
My junior year of high school, I lived in the dark. Most people don’t know this about me. I don’t talk about often, mostly because it’s embarrassing and ultimately I still had more than many people ever have. It wasn’t the entire year but enough that ultimately my family separated and I lived out of my car and slept on couches and floors for a few months. Here is why this is relevant to my weight loss journey. I am an addict, a food addict. I am also the child of former addicts (of a different sort), and things like losing lights, losing homes, losing friends, and losing things are par for the course. So from a very young age I held on to what I could because loss was a constant reality.
So I’m a pack rat, borderline hoarder (as discussed here), and loss is a hard thing to navigate. Weight is the only thing I have ever wanted to lose and yet has been the hardest. Like Gloria Estefan, I am coming out of the dark.