I am a 30 something (closer to mid than to early, but not yet late) woman. I’ve dieted my whole life…I mean that just about literally. I remember being 12 taking the old fashioned slimfast for lunch in a thermos.

I am on my last diet. I know this because I am finally focusing on the psychological and emotional factors that have been at the heart of my struggle with weight. I am investigating my relationship with food and I am done with quick fixes, potions, pills, and powders.

As the saying goes, “if you want something you have never had, you have to do something you have never done.” I have never made a personal choice to be private about my diet. Now obviously if I lose weight, which I certainly hope to do, people will notice. Great! That isn’t what I mean. In the past I have been loud and proud on a diet as a way to foster accountability; to make others responsible for keeping me in line, to bend the group to my will and needs as to avoid temptation or reality  I made my loved ones my baby sitter without their consent, I unintentionally held them hostage. And if they weren’t willing to call me out about food choices, my own guilt or shame or humiliation would do the trick. I don’t want to have a relationship with food that is based on guilt, or shame or humiliation. I want to be responsible for what I eat, when I eat, and not make my weight anyone else’s responsibility. I know the statistics say that people in support groups or who have accountability partners experience better results, but I’m co-dependent and have very addictive behavior so I think I have to approach this a little differently.

My dear friends know what’s up, my household is drastically effected, so you cyber world don’t need to know all my business. You don’t need my before or afters or my food journal or favorite recipes or to friend me on facebook. I am just here to be honest, a *safe space to work it out.


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